Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
