Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
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