i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
