Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
