Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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