remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
