I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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