Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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