Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Dear god my vagina.
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