Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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