my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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