RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You're like the curious george of whores
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
