I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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