Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
