My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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