Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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