If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
