Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
i think i just lost a toe
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
