There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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