he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
