Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
