Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
