I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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