summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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