apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
