I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
