I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
As shirtless as possible
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
