Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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