haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
