Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
