I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Randomize
