I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
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