wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
