he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
