I molested 6 butterflies tonight
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
