You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
