I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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