I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
