Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
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