Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
