cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
