I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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