I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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