I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
