I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
