Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
