maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
