Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
