I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
So much rum. So many feels.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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