True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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