I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
