Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
That accounts for only three of the penises
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
