he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
