wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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